On an episode of South Park, Leopold "Butters" Stotch says the following:
"I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could
make me feel that sad. It's like it makes me feel alive, you know? It
makes me feel human. The only way I can feel this sad now is if I felt
something really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good.
So I guess what I'm really feeling is like a beautiful sadness."
~Leopold "Butters" Stotch, South Park
This is one of the nicest things I've ever heard. Seriously. It seems weird coming from South Park and all, but it resonates with me. As a bipolar person, I sometimes feel sad for no particular reason, but the sadness makes me think about the happiness I feel otherwise, and I appreciate the happiness all the more. My sad times are being well controlled by medication and therapy, so I don't want anyone to think I go around feeling sad often. But sometimes I do feel sad, and this quote just sums up perfectly what I feel. When I feel well and happy, it's all the better and richer and more fulfilling than you can imagine. It comes from a beautiful sadness. Looking at life this way helps me a great deal to accept the condition of being bipolar.
Of course, I have to write about this in the memoir I'm working on about my experiences with bipolar disorder. The memoir is still very slow going--it's difficult to write--but it's cathartic and satisfying when I get bits of it written. I'm writing it mostly for myself, but I'm also hoping that it will be of a high enough quality to perchance get published so that it can educate, enlighten, and help remove the stigma associated with mental illness.
- Emily Glossner Johnson
- Hello! I'm a writer from central New York who has bipolar disorder. Among other topics, I write about mental illness and writing. I have short stories published in Lynx Eye, Lost Coast Review, The Outrider Review, Sliver of Stone Magazine, The Mondegreen, The Linnet's Wings, Cobalt Review, Breath & Shadow, The Round Up, Postscripts to Darkness, Masque & Spectacle, and several other journals. I have a poem in The Poeming Pigeon, essays about mental illness in The Ram Boutique and Amygdala Literary Magazine, and an essay in Parts Unbound: Narratives of Mental Illness & Health, a book that was published by Lime Hawk Literary Arts Collective. My story "Santa Lucia" was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. I've written three novels entitled Purple Loosestrife, Hoping It Might Be So, and Dark and Bright, all of which are as yet unpublished. I'm working on a memoir about my experiences with bipolar disorder. I have a B.A. in English from SUNY Buffalo and an M.A. in English from SUNY College at Brockport. I hope you enjoy your visit to my blog!